How do you know the person you are with is going to be the person you will spend the rest of your life with? For me it was easy. Everything since Chris and I began dating has been easy. I had no doubts while falling in love with him about what our future may hold. Every part of our relationship felt natural. The only doubts I ever felt were in myself and my worthiness of a man like him. He was everything I could dream for in a partner and so much more.
Chris has so many interesting hobbies. I have always admired his abilities. Whether it is building something with a raspberry pi or building a fence, Chris can do just about anything he puts his mind to. He is masculine but also empathetic to me and Margot. He is handsome and intelligent. Any woman in the world would be lucky to be with him, and yet he chose to spend his time with me. When he and I met I didn't feel very great about myself, and still sometimes I need to be reminded that he still likes me. I would always wonder why a guy as fantastic as him would choose to be with me. I am so thankful that he did choose me. There was so much negative going on in my life when Chris and I began dating. I was going through a protection order with Margot's father and there were things we couldn't do like be friends on Facebook for fear of Chris being stalked. I think all of the time how grateful I am that Chris was not afraid or bothered by everything going on. That he was still interested and there for me.
Really though, I do think we pair so well together and I can see why we are together now. He is calm and collective. He thinks before he does anything at all. I am all in before I even know what I am doing sometimes. He reads directions, I literally can't. Sometimes we both need a little more of the other's pace to balance each other out. Then there are the areas where we are exactly the same. Concerned for how our words may affect others, kind and honest, always. I am not sure a single person could say a bad thing about Chris and I also strive to be the kind of person people like, mainly because I can't handle the thought of hurting someone or the crippling weight of rejection, but we are both generally like-able. We both have the same sense of humor. We both eat similar foods except Chris always adds a little extra spice. We both love a good bargain. We are both level headed enough that we really haven't had an argument in the 3 years we have been together. We talk things through, always. Neither one of us ever tries to hurt the other and we both know that at the end of the day we are here for each other with loving arms wide open.
Chris is a man of few words. Sometimes that causes me to fill in those gaps myself and most of the time I paint the wrong picture. When we stop to talk I am always amazed to find how wrong I am. He is always thinking of his family, of me, of everything. He is such a thoughtful man. I still am not used to that. Chris can be stubborn and I can be emotional, but we are on the same team and realize that as soon as we sit down to discuss any issue. Over these past few years we have grown so much and will only continue to grow.
I always wanted someone on my team. Before Chris I really was so lonely. Everyone always had their own schedule and made their own plans that I had to work around. I always wanted someone to do things on our time with. Now we have our own little family and make our own plans. We do what we want when we want, and always together. There is just something so special about that.
The only thing I could have ever wanted was to be with someone who loves Margot as much as I do. Someone that is able to nurture her the same way I try. Someone interested in learning as much as they can to parent the right way, not just the easy way. Chris is that person. I have never once doubted his affection for her. He has never once backed down from the role of her father, no matter how difficult it can be at times.
Parenting is hard. You develop the patience necessary to be a parent without losing your mind slowly, along the way. Chris was just thrown into it. There are moments when any parent becomes overwhelmed, but Chris has always been right there by my side to guide Margot. He has always had her best interest at heart and sincerely treats her as if she is his own, which she is. She is his in a special way. He did not have to be here for her or us, he chose to be. He chooses every day to fill that role of her father. There have been some nights that a lesser person would have walked away from the responsibility of parenting through it. Hours of crying over something small. Hours of time out while she destroyed her room and screamed at us. Big moments that were hard for even me with all the patience I have for my sweet child, but Chris has always been there.
I think often of the conversations he and I would have when it came to Margot and how to teach better ways to react than outburst and tantrums. The first few times Chris had to put Margot in time out we spoke about how important it is to "bridge the gap" with kids. How after she is put in time out he needed to go back in and explain why and what could have been done differently and invite her back to the normal state of our house. Not all dads have the patience to do such a thing. To care enough about a child's mental state and let go of their own frustrations, but Chris does. Sometimes she can become stubborn and doesn't want to go back to normal. She wants to prolong the chaos. When she didn't care to talk to him he would always at least ask for a hug and if she did not want a hug he would say "I need a hug". It always amazes me to watch him really try with her. Chris is always so open to my suggestions. I don't know what I am doing all of the time either, but we are able to sit and discuss what is working and what is not or what I want parenting her to look like. There have been so many moments where I have walked into his office and just asked "let's try this?" and he has always been open to trying. Always striving to be a better parent.
We have both cried over her many times. We have both fallen asleep in her bed on nights when she wanted a sleepover. Actually, I think Chris has fallen asleep more times than me because I just pretend until she falls asleep and he full on falls asleep sometimes before she does. We have both been there to comfort her. We have both gone out of our way to surprise her. We have both been to the school meetings, even the one where she was suspended.
No part of this has felt "Step"; Chris is her daddy. She was the one who first asked me if he was her dad. I remember telling her that yeah he kind of was if she wanted him to be. When we got married she wanted to be a part of it too, in some way. To know that the three of us would be together forever. I worry about if something should ever happen to me if Margot would be ok, but I know that Chris will always be good to her. He is a great person and the kind of role model I would want for Margot. He will always do right for her.
Marriage is not something I sat around day dreaming about until I met Chris. I wanted so badly for him to want me for the rest of his life. When we moved in together I thought "okay so he really likes us enough for us to live together". Then in moments of doubt I would fear that he did not like me enough to marry me. When he proposed I was so happy. I never knew what it would feel like when the person whom you love chooses you for the rest of their life.
Chris proposed with a ring he had made from a silver quarter. The significance was extraordinary. He had bought a pack of rings from the bin store, a 4 pack, for $1. He made my ring from a quarter. I collect silver. It was all so personal. After the wedding though was the biggest shock. He sat me down to watch the go pro footage from the wedding, but instead a video of him making the ring began to play. He was still living in Simpsonville when he began making the ring. He had chosen me months before we even moved in together and I had no idea. On our very first date an old man stopped to talk to us about how he needed to get me a ring and marry me. Chris proposed in the same area as our first date. We should have known after that first date and that random old man talking to us that we would be together forever.
I didn't need a big event for our wedding. I just wanted to marry Chris. I found such a reasonable venue that happened to be beautiful. When we went to get the marriage license we both forgot things that we needed to verify our identity. We were such a mess. The guy who worked there thankfully helped us out and let it slide. We had a local taco shop that we enjoy cater the event. Chris's grandmother Joann and his aunt Cindy came all the way from Nebraska for the wedding. His sister and brother in law and nephew also traveled all the way from Washington to make it. My family traveled from NC. Chris's friend "mooch" came from Pennsylvania even! Lots of people making the trip just to be there for us.
We had a small ceremony with just close family where I cried like a baby as soon as Chris began speaking. Like I said before he is a man of few words, so when he does speak to his feelings about me and Margot it always gets me. Our reception was beautiful and fun. We played a game that everyone seemed to really enjoy and we got to celebrate with all of the people who love us. Margot danced the night away as she celebrated her wedding too. There was just overwhelming happiness all around us.
I never dreamed about being married before Chris, but being Chris's wife is a dream come true. The love I have for Margot is the same love I have for him and that night of my wedding I felt the same joy I did when they put Margot in my arms for the first time. He is my other half. He is the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He is the person I want to raise children with. He is the person I want to grow old with. He makes me better. He gives me hope. He is everything I have ever wanted.
It has been one entire year since we said I do. One year of happy moments. One year of supporting each other. One year of new experiences. So many things have changed in this year, but the one thing that will always stay the same is the way I feel about you. After all this time we have spent together I am still amazed that you even like me. I still get butterflies when you kiss me. I still worry about you every time you leave the house. Life around us may change, it may evolve, we may even forget the things that happened a month ago, but our love for each other will always be present and evident. It is what brought us together and what we will have for the rest of our lives and I am so grateful for that love.
You are an amazing man and father. You are a thoughtful and caring husband. I’m so lucky that I get to wake up to your breakfast every morning and that I get to fall asleep to your kiss every night. I’m so lucky I have your hand to hold through the bad and your laughter and smile through the good. I love you so very much Chris. I love you the same way I love Margot and Fiona; truly with every inch of my heart. I love this family that we have grown and this life that we are building together. Here’s to many more years, to watching our daughters grow, to new adventures, and to the pure happiness we get to share together.
Having a baby with the love of my life has been such a fulfilling experience. There is no one else I could imagine wanting to share the journey of parenting with other than Chris. For a woman giving your body away, making the sacrifice of enduring pregnancy and delivery, it is such a big deal. I am grateful to be able to do that for my loving husband. & seeing the best of both of us in Fiona is amazing. She is smart, calm, goofy, and beautiful. I truly cherish finding parts of Chris in her personality.
Chris was thrown into parenting with Margot, so he missed out on all the sweetest moments that come with babies. I have been so grateful to be able to give him the opportunity to experience all those precious moments that make parenting so special. Watching your little one learn, watching them develop a personality, seeing who they look like, and so on. Knowing that she was made from love and will grow with our love surrounding her, there just really isn't anything better in the world than that.
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